Wieners: A Brief History

Editor's Note: We performed no fact checking on the following article.



Since the beginning of time, wieners have played a critical role in games of all kinds. Did you know that wieners account for two-thirds of the American population? That's a lot of wieners. George Washington Carver had a lot to say about peanuts, but not about wieners. Coincidence? I think not. In the following paragraphs, I will attempt to answer that question. Some would describe wieners as a meat-like substance contained in a fleshy membrane. However, others would describe them more metaphysically. These dogs, henceforth referred to as dogs, have played a crucial role in American history. Did you know even the Boston Tea Party had to do with wieners probably?

But seriously, do you know that? And just one other example, everyone knows Paul Revere, but what was he revered for? Can anyone say wieners? This is also the reason why referring to hotdogs as Paully-dawgs was popularized after the mid-twentieth to early-nineteenth century. According to the National Hot Dog Council, on Independence Day Americans will eat one hundred fifty million Paullydogs, enough to stretch from DC to LA more than 5 times. Those are stretchy wieners! http://www.hot-dog.org/media/consumption-stats (On a related note, turns out that Vienna used to be called Wiener, they changed it. That's why Vienna sausages share a common ancestor with Paullydogs. Who woulda thunk it?).

"It takes a true hot dog aficionado to be named president of the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council and Eric has shown he's up to the task," said Riley. "With his mastery of hot dog and sausage facts and history, etiquette and his work growing the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council's presence in mainstream and social media, the Council is in great hands."

In addition, it turns out that Americans prefer their dogs on the grill. I guess boiling is pretty outdated, huh Paully? http://www.hot-dog.org/press/new-research-confirms-americans-prefer-their-hot-dogs-grill

What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it?
A "hollow-weenie."

Thanks to the influence of Paully Revere, even Homer was inspired to discuss the majestic wiener in his semi-famous work, The Odyssey. Even the blind can enjoy hotdogs.

At this point, you're probably wondering how this ties back into video games. Well I say to you, take a moment and ask yourself: Why are you free to play video games? It was thanks to the heroic efforts of the heroes of the American Revolution. Paully Revere, Obenwan KaFrankly, and wieners.